Two farmers, John and Henry, were sitting around talking about their day when John notices a pig with a wooden leg hobbling across the front yard. He turned to his friend and asks, "Henry, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"Well, John, that pig...," his eyes mist up, "That pig's mighty special! A few weeks back a wild boar attacked me while I was in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and fought him off. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No, just got a few scratches, nothing too serious. But that night the barn caught fire. That ol' pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and before we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved them all!"
"Ahh so that's when he hurt his leg?"
"No, John, the next day my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond. I got knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out...but that's not how he hurt his leg." "Oh no, no, he was fine. Cleaned him up real nice, too."
"Okay, Henry. So just tell me. How did he lose his leg?"
"Well", Henry begins to explain, "A pig that amazing...you don't want to eat all at once."
Post by whitefalcon on Sept 17, 2019 18:30:28 GMT -5
City boy goes by a farm and see an unusual pig. Stops and asked farmer why his pig has one leg missing. Farmer said he is a prize winning pig, how can this be??? Farmer, you don't eat a prize winning pig like that all at once!!!!!
Yep, he ain't right.....but he's got a sense of humor!
There was a crowd of bees flying around. These bees were a bit different as they were powered by gasoline.
As the swarm along, periodically a bee or two would start to sputter; it would fly down to a gas station, drink up the gas spilled in fueling a car, and then fly up and rejoin the crowd.
One bee began to sputter a little, but flew right by an open gas station. As he passed the second station, he coughing badly, but still he flew on. Finally, as he was on his last fumes, he dove down to a station and gassed up.
When he rejoined the crowd, his bee buddy said: “Look, you passed right by an open station when you started to get low. You passed another station when you were perilously low. And finally, you ran out of gas just in time to glide into that last station. Are you crazy?”
He replied, “Well, it’s like this. The first station was a Gulf station. I really don’t like Gulf at all. The second station was a Texaco station. That’s even worse.
But the third station was an Esso station. Let me tell you, Esso is my brand of gasoline. It’s really true. There’s an Esso Bee in every crowd!”
A man,his dog and a pig were the survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle, a perfect night for romance! As they sat there, the pig started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the pig and put his arm around it. But, the dog became jealous, growling fiercely until the removed his arm from around the pig. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and low and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze, perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
Post by muttleysback on Oct 1, 2019 7:05:40 GMT -5
A woman was walking a pig on a leash. She encountered a man. He said, "Wow, that's an ugly thing you got on that leash. The woman replied, "That isn't a nice way to talk about my beautiful pig." The guy said, "Shut up, lady. I was talking to the pig." ba dump dump
Most of my money I spent on hunting and fishing, and the occasional bottle of good bourbon. The rest I just wasted.
One Friday night at a local bar in Northern Pennsylvania frequented by a bunch of hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season the local town cop scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.
A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.
Confused, the cop asked the driver what the heck was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, "Well, tonight I'm the designated decoy.
LOL - You are right that the sand people invasion has literally turned many of the larger cities into another "Stan".
There are plenty of country folks and it's still the country EH! They smile like Americans, and apologize like the English. They love their big open spaces, their flannel, their mountains, their lakes, their solitude, and their personal independence. Anyway - Going to break out a two-four along with a mickey of Gibby's for the weekend Cheers!